Thursday, October 27, 2011

dodging excuses with reason

So for the most of the last month and a half I've been pivoting between several projects and noticably not updating this here blog or my other places for slapping words online.

I've been keeping myself current with what's going on. The Occupy Wall Street and Occupy everywhere-else movements have brought an almost breath-held bearing-of-witness in my own self.

And that's not from the clips of infuriating, absolutely unwarranted and pathetic behavior of police in dozens of youtube videos and other viral clips. I felt my own incomparable sensations before seeing those.

I've been aware since I first got the ever-less subtle nudge out of the nest when I was still a teenager attempting to finish the previously-enduring rigged-game I was forced to participate in ("if you think you're so smart, kiddo, why dontcha getta jobb? hmmm?") ...that the larger world outside the school system was an even more depressing fixed-carnival of misery and rejection.

I graddyated high skool and vaulted toward college, didn't have enough sense to duck down and take the stupid things about the process in stride for even a little while.

Having not gone-along-to-get-along, I failed out my freshman year and had to return home, tail between my legs, and work for another 2-3 years to get back to where I left off when some asshole stopped the music I'd been learning to.

I partook of some of the clinton-era relative prosperity, worked 2-3 jobs and attended community college and had little to no social life, possessions, status, and pissed away most of my money on cars, repairs, food, rent, and fuel. All with the sense that it was just wasted time till I got back where I belonged, doing what I'd meant to before.

Forward another couple of years and the same education I'd started paying for had exploded in cost, with nobody but a scattered few college graduates in my friend circle to testify that there were few, little, and NONE jobs to be had for most of them.

And I lapped it up, leapt before I looked at least financially speaking. With no elder relatives to advise me, I tackled loans that were home-ownership in proportion to what my parents had paid for their in-state college educations.

The truth is beginning to be common knowledge that I, like millions of my fellow Americans, seriously paid double what my parents paid in their college tuition and have consistently gotten less than half the expected career-effectiveness as a result. It doesn't work like it used to, college degrees are the toilet-paper high school degrees and GEDs used to be.

And I pay off that useless baggage to this day, since the in-state school kicked me out without cause. It's not even worth bringing up anymore except to make the point that no matter how much you intend to succeed, without knowing who and where you need to suck up to most, you're never gonna get anywhere.

The experience of college informed me and made me an autodidact, introduced me to many wonderful people. Absolutely nothing else I got there helped me get anything job-related beyond a callback or an interview - beyond getting a toe in the door college was worth nothing.

Flash to circa: now and in 2011 suddenly the news shows, the talking heads, the fearmongers and the hate speakers are even talking about the things that I've always seen as wrong, since my first paychecks and my first disillusionments...

...forgive me for being stunned speechless and left wide-eyed in what may be a never-ending sense of awe, mixed with sadness, mixed with sickness, mixed with relief and a good heap of what-took-you-fuckers-so-long?!?!?!

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